This house was a dream come true. Spacious bedroom, hardwood floors,  and a living room and kitchen we could entertain in. A spare room for my business. Even a claw-foot bathtub. And then, completely out of nowhere, all of that simply stopped.

That period of time is easy to think about. About, around, over and outside. I can picture myself going through it all, and I remember how much it hurt, but it's still separate from me. I don't experience it. I watch it happen to past-me, who isn't here anymore. I notice she's hurt, breaking, dying. The future, plans, and everything she thought she wanted disappearing . . .

And then there's limbo. Outside of time and space, old-me is gone, but present-me doesn't exist yet. In the limbo, there are infinite options for what could happen next. The die has been thrown, but it has not yet landed. The space I will occupy is still empty.

Suddenly here I am. I'm alone. Six months have passed, and I've woken in an empty bed, with a laptop, my possessions in boxes. Somehow, time and space did happen and I'm leaving the place I dreamt of. Limbo-me got a work visa and new friends and a whole lot of balls.  Limbo-me booked me a plane ticket, found me a place to live, and packed up my belongings. Limbo-me worked out things with the ex and quit the job that was killing me and tried running a few times. Limbo-me got her shit together.

But I'm back to regular present-day me again, and I'm not sure I want to let go.

Blogging 101

So rather than fiddle endlessly with the template, I thought I'd actually write something. I read once that most blogs don't acknowledge the beginning of their existence. It struck me as strange - as though mentioning that you have begun something, that you're new at this thing, will somehow take away its and your  credibility. Imagine you're at dinner with a group of friends who you've known for years and then suddenly this unknown person sits down at your table. You all turn to look, and he says, "No need to introduce myself, I'm just here now. I'm one of  you. I could have been here all along."

While I haven't invited myself to dinner, someone may actually read this one day, so I feel obligated to say something. I wish to remain anonymous, but what I can tell you is that I live in Canada right now, and I'm moving to the UK soon. I quit my job, so I'm unemployed until further notice. I've been single for six months, and it's the hardest and most unexpected taste of freedom I've ever had. I've decided to write in this blog as a way to keep track of myself, and in the hopes that someone else might see them self in what I write.

I have a lot of ideas and creativity that I'd like to find an outlet for. I want to make a difference in this world, but I'm not much of a people person. I like computers and TV and film and books. I don't care about celebrity, but I am fascinated by talent. Not in an "America's Got Talent" kind of way - ugh - but in watching an actor in his or her role, and then watching them in an interview and trying to see where they both are and are not being themselves when they act.

More to follow, I guess.